The Love of Catherine

Looking into the world of relationships

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 3:46 pm on Tuesday, November 15, 2011

There were plenty of other seats in the classroom but to my luck, Mrs. Lee sat you in the seat next to mine. All that day, I didn’t hear a word the teacher said. I stared at your profile, which you didn’t seem to mind at all. You would glance at me now and then and give a slight smile, which you probably never knew but that small grin was enough to make me wet my pants. I sat still so nobody would notice but when everybody went out for recess, I silently called Mrs. Lee over and she helped me dry my clothes. Luckily, it didn’t smell too much.

You didn’t have to ask me if I wanted to walk home with you that day because I was already planning in my head the direction that our conversation would be heading as we made our way home.

All throughout middle school, junior high school, and high school, we were right next to each other. We went through every relationship together. All the tears and laughter we shared as next door neighbors. Things took an immediate turn the day you asked me to be your prom date. If only you didn’t ask me.

If only

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 8:35 pm on Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The rain fell down on m head as I jumped around in the muddy puddles in my new rain boots. Even if people shook their heads at me as they walked down the street under the protection of their umbrellas, I could care less because I was unique just like my grandmother always told me.

Not until I saw you pull into the driveway of the house next door, did I really begin to care what others thought of me. The way you stared out the window at me was enough to make me go crying into my house. I have never been so embarassed.

Since that day, I always cringed at your gaze. Even if I was right, I couldn’t help but feel that everything you said and did was always just. You and I were always opposites.

I couldn’t hide my shock when I first saw you coming into my classroom holding my favorite teacher’s hand. I never would have guessed that you would end up coming to my school but my class? If only you didn’t move into my neighborhood. If only you didn’t come to my school. All these if onlys continuously pop up in my head these days.

If only…

Even after death

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 2:52 pm on Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I never would have imagined the day
That you would be gone from my life
If only you didn’t have to feel the pain
Before you moved on to your next life
I tried to grasp your hand
But it slipped away just like your life
What am I to do with you gone from my life
The pointless conversations with others
I cannot stand this any longer
Dear love, I am on my way
To be in your arms forever

Longing

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 9:59 pm on Wednesday, October 19, 2011

 

Our love was started like the speed of light.

I could not help but fall into your gaze.

You and I turned away with all our might

But against our will our hearts were ablaze.

 

Every day was spent reminiscing back

To the day we first caught each other’s eye.

Under your gaze I cannot help but lack

In strength, I fall weak and can only sigh.

 

Our love was fast and it grew day by day.

I could not spend a minute without you.

You were my shining sun lighting my way

Eternal happiness you led me to.

 

I can not help but regret the mistakes

I have made in the past to break your heart

Every time I reminisce my heart aches

To have you again as my other part.

Everlasting?

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 2:27 pm on Saturday, October 1, 2011

Honestly, I wanted to change my theme because…well I broke up with my boyfriend of two years just a few days ago.  But rather than changing the theme since its my last post anyway, I decided to add my experience with my ex-boyfriend to further analyze love and relationships.

You may think I’m making my post too personal, but…its okay. I think I can handle the criticism. 🙂

I honestly thought I would get married with the guy. I was able to experience the happiness of being with another person, through him. In the past, I was never able to feel a connection with any other guy but when I first met him at the academy I work in, I knew we were meant to be. He was an older brother of a student at the academy and he was waiting in the main office (my office) for his brother’s lesson to be over. We made eye contact and the next day, he came and asked me for my number.

Honestly, how can two people meet and connect that quickly? So, without a second of a doubt, I believed that he was my other half. He told me he believed that as well.

But I guess love isn’t everlasting. We…well, “I” experienced two years of fiery love and until the day he asked to break up, I truly believed he was going to be my future husband. Honestly, we were arguing a lot lately and we both seemed to be losing patience with one another. I guess I should have seen it coming.

But that makes me think. How do people decide who they will marry? There were a few couples around me that have been dating for 3or more years and we all believed that they were going to marry but unfortunately most of them broke up. I honestly feel that that time spent with that person is pointless if its going to end eventually. I honestly want to meet someone, thinking of marriage in our near future.

In my opinion, love is not a one time thing. Love occurs continuously throughout ones lifetime. And for it to lead to marriage, both sides need to meet at a certain level. Basically, those who get married are accepting each other’s flaws and mistakes. Knowing these flaws, they learn to cover for them and build a solid, flawless relationship.

Expecting more

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 9:54 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011

True love.

I wonder if anyone has ever experienced it. I also wonder if its always a two way thing. Do both people have to love one another for it to be love? Or can a single sided crush be love as well? For instance; my best friend in high school. I was best friends with him since we were 14 years old. He was the only guy I could share my deep, dark secrets with. We first became best friends when I had to spend the night for Black Friday. I thought I wouldn’t be able to wake up at 5 in the morning so I decided to not sleep at all. Bored, I went on Hotmail Messenger and noticed that he was online. Just being acquaintances at the time, I messaged him.

He actually stayed up with me the whole night and went to sleep when I left for the mall. I honestly was so thankful to him. I really didn’t even expect to chat with him all night but we couldn’t stop talking. We were best friends from that moment on.

I dated his best friend when we were 16 and he was the shoulder to cry on every single time I went through different boys. But one day, he asked me why he wasn’t visible in my eyes. I had no clue what that meant but he confessed his 5 year love for me. Wow. The day we met at church was the day he began to like me. I had no idea but in my eyes, he was another girl friend. He was the one guy that knew my crazy personality, the things I wouldn’t show any other guy. But can his liking for me be categorized as love?

Love, in my opinion doesn’t have to be a two way thing. What he felt for me, I would never know, but he probably felt the happiness any other couple feels. Love, I learned, can be one sided. One person can experience happiness, sadness, fluttering of the heart, all the other emotions of love, while the other side can not even imagine the other person in that way. This is love. Unfair.

Baby steps..or not?

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 7:50 pm on Sunday, September 18, 2011

A few years back, I was digging through my mom’s closet in search of a bag I could steal for the day when I came upon a large box I’ve never seen before. I honestly hate when my mom goes through my things, so I was a bit hesitant to see what was inside the box but curiosity came over me and I excitedly pulled it out of the closet and threw the cover off to see a stack of envelopes. After reading letter after letter, I realized these were the love letters my dad mailed to my mom when they were dating. Yes! This is the love that I always dreamed of; letters, standing outside the window throwing pebbles, all the Romeo & Juliet type of love.

If my parents were able to experience this kind of love, I was positive that I would be able to do so as well. So I started my journey of finding the love of my life. I truly believed that my other half existed somewhere in the world, waiting to be found.

One day, I was sitting at my desk doing my homework when I heard my brother entering the house with his friends. My brother always introduced me to his friends so like any other day, he knocked on my door and brought his friend in. The moment I saw his friend, I thought I found love. He was tall and handsome. While conversing, I found out that he was an amazing guitar player and his personality was so witty and refreshing. We connected immediately. This was it. He was my other half!

After a month or so of crushing on him, I was sitting at my computer late at night chatting with him when all of a sudden he asked me out. How amazing it was! But wait…what happened to the letters? What happened to the romance? We were sitting in front of our computers on AOL. This isn’t what I expected but I guess we’ll just have to go with it! So that night, I was able to sleep peacefully.

I didn’t have a cellphone at the time so there was no way of contacting him and we lived a bit far away so we didn’t even get to see each other. The following night, we were chatting again when all of a sudden, he told me that he didn’t think things would work out. What? That’s not possible. I thought he was my other half! Without even having a say in it, my first relationship, if we can even call it one, was over.

I obviously failed at my first  24 hour relationship. Was it my fault? Or is it the change in culture that has decreased the amount of romance in everybody? Although my first relationship ended brutally, I still had hope. I truly believed that I would be able to experience the love that my parents were able to experience.

All about love…

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 7:04 pm on Friday, September 9, 2011

I’ve never written or even read a blog until my Creative Writing class so I don’t even know how I’m supposed to approach it but here I go! My name is Catherine Kim and I was born and raised in Queens but my heart belongs in South Korea. Although I’ve only been to Korea once in my entire lifetime (right after my high school graduation), I always felt a connection to the country. Korea is what gave me my interest in LOVE, which will be my theme for the next few entries.

As a young child, I moved to a completely new environment and I couldn’t adjust or make any friends. My only companion, the only thing I could depend on, was my television. After school and completion of my school assignments, I would spend the rest of the day in front of the television watching the dramas that my mom rented from the Korean video store a block away. There was always a typical story line in every drama but I helplessly fell into it at a dangerous speed. Love at first sight, fate and tragedy all intrigued me. Because of these Korean dramas, I began to dream of my own love life. From that moment on, I was always wondering who I would fall in love with, how we would meet, and how long our love would last.

Through these blogs, I plan to look back into my past and reanalyze all the relationships I’ve been in. That sentence makes it sound like I’ve had billions of relationships but  in reality, I could count them with my ten fingers (maybe even less). Anywho, my thoughts are always jumbled in a large mess so through these blogs, I hope to organize my own thoughts and actually learn more about love and relationships.

 

Spam prevention powered by Akismet

Skip to toolbar