The Love of Catherine

Looking into the world of relationships

Expecting more

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 9:54 pm on Wednesday, September 28, 2011

True love.

I wonder if anyone has ever experienced it. I also wonder if its always a two way thing. Do both people have to love one another for it to be love? Or can a single sided crush be love as well? For instance; my best friend in high school. I was best friends with him since we were 14 years old. He was the only guy I could share my deep, dark secrets with. We first became best friends when I had to spend the night for Black Friday. I thought I wouldn’t be able to wake up at 5 in the morning so I decided to not sleep at all. Bored, I went on Hotmail Messenger and noticed that he was online. Just being acquaintances at the time, I messaged him.

He actually stayed up with me the whole night and went to sleep when I left for the mall. I honestly was so thankful to him. I really didn’t even expect to chat with him all night but we couldn’t stop talking. We were best friends from that moment on.

I dated his best friend when we were 16 and he was the shoulder to cry on every single time I went through different boys. But one day, he asked me why he wasn’t visible in my eyes. I had no clue what that meant but he confessed his 5 year love for me. Wow. The day we met at church was the day he began to like me. I had no idea but in my eyes, he was another girl friend. He was the one guy that knew my crazy personality, the things I wouldn’t show any other guy. But can his liking for me be categorized as love?

Love, in my opinion doesn’t have to be a two way thing. What he felt for me, I would never know, but he probably felt the happiness any other couple feels. Love, I learned, can be one sided. One person can experience happiness, sadness, fluttering of the heart, all the other emotions of love, while the other side can not even imagine the other person in that way. This is love. Unfair.

Baby steps..or not?

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 7:50 pm on Sunday, September 18, 2011

A few years back, I was digging through my mom’s closet in search of a bag I could steal for the day when I came upon a large box I’ve never seen before. I honestly hate when my mom goes through my things, so I was a bit hesitant to see what was inside the box but curiosity came over me and I excitedly pulled it out of the closet and threw the cover off to see a stack of envelopes. After reading letter after letter, I realized these were the love letters my dad mailed to my mom when they were dating. Yes! This is the love that I always dreamed of; letters, standing outside the window throwing pebbles, all the Romeo & Juliet type of love.

If my parents were able to experience this kind of love, I was positive that I would be able to do so as well. So I started my journey of finding the love of my life. I truly believed that my other half existed somewhere in the world, waiting to be found.

One day, I was sitting at my desk doing my homework when I heard my brother entering the house with his friends. My brother always introduced me to his friends so like any other day, he knocked on my door and brought his friend in. The moment I saw his friend, I thought I found love. He was tall and handsome. While conversing, I found out that he was an amazing guitar player and his personality was so witty and refreshing. We connected immediately. This was it. He was my other half!

After a month or so of crushing on him, I was sitting at my computer late at night chatting with him when all of a sudden he asked me out. How amazing it was! But wait…what happened to the letters? What happened to the romance? We were sitting in front of our computers on AOL. This isn’t what I expected but I guess we’ll just have to go with it! So that night, I was able to sleep peacefully.

I didn’t have a cellphone at the time so there was no way of contacting him and we lived a bit far away so we didn’t even get to see each other. The following night, we were chatting again when all of a sudden, he told me that he didn’t think things would work out. What? That’s not possible. I thought he was my other half! Without even having a say in it, my first relationship, if we can even call it one, was over.

I obviously failed at my first  24 hour relationship. Was it my fault? Or is it the change in culture that has decreased the amount of romance in everybody? Although my first relationship ended brutally, I still had hope. I truly believed that I would be able to experience the love that my parents were able to experience.

All about love…

Filed under: Uncategorized — ckim90 at 7:04 pm on Friday, September 9, 2011

I’ve never written or even read a blog until my Creative Writing class so I don’t even know how I’m supposed to approach it but here I go! My name is Catherine Kim and I was born and raised in Queens but my heart belongs in South Korea. Although I’ve only been to Korea once in my entire lifetime (right after my high school graduation), I always felt a connection to the country. Korea is what gave me my interest in LOVE, which will be my theme for the next few entries.

As a young child, I moved to a completely new environment and I couldn’t adjust or make any friends. My only companion, the only thing I could depend on, was my television. After school and completion of my school assignments, I would spend the rest of the day in front of the television watching the dramas that my mom rented from the Korean video store a block away. There was always a typical story line in every drama but I helplessly fell into it at a dangerous speed. Love at first sight, fate and tragedy all intrigued me. Because of these Korean dramas, I began to dream of my own love life. From that moment on, I was always wondering who I would fall in love with, how we would meet, and how long our love would last.

Through these blogs, I plan to look back into my past and reanalyze all the relationships I’ve been in. That sentence makes it sound like I’ve had billions of relationships but  in reality, I could count them with my ten fingers (maybe even less). Anywho, my thoughts are always jumbled in a large mess so through these blogs, I hope to organize my own thoughts and actually learn more about love and relationships.


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